Potions and Other Hazards
by CheshireCat23
Summary: A Potions accident leaves Hermione and a group of fellow students with undesired side effects. GENDER-SWAP story! Hermione gets caught up in a weird "love triangle"; Ron enjoys the perks of womanhood; Harry is being, well, Harry; Astoria develops a strange fascination for someone unexpected and Draco perpetually acts like a drama queen.
1. Chapter 1

**Potions and Other Hazards**

* * *

**Disclaimer**: J.K. Rowling is the author of the Harry Potter series. All canon characters and canon situations belong to her. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended. No money is made from this story.

**Summary**: A Potions accident leaves Hermione and a group of fellow students with undesired side effects. **_Gender-swap story!_**

Hermione gets caught up in a weird "love triangle"; Ron enjoys the perks of womanhood; Harry is being, well, Harry; Astoria develops a strange fascination for someone unexpected and Draco perpetually acts like a drama queen.

**Warnings: **Occ-ness (hopefully in moderation) and disregard of books 5 to 7. AU.

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A/N: This chapter has been beta'd by Rusty Weasley. Thank you!

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Chapter 1: So Here's What Happened

* * *

Hermione glanced down at her wristwatch impatiently and swore under her breath. The time was ticking by so impossibly _slow_. She couldn't believe that only fifty minutes had passed and that there were still thirty to go. This was even worse than History of Magic! Not to mention, it was getting them absolutely nowhere!

Thirty whole minutes until she was finally free to leave… Until then, she would have to sit here and suffer through the irritating company of her classmates. _Oh, how she hated people sometimes._

At one point, the Head girl grew so frustrated that she started tapping the glass of her watch to check the watch's functionality, earning many raised brows from the people in the room. Much to Hermione's chagrin, the watch worked just fine.

"Everyone calm down! I understand that this is a very upsetting and confusing situation for you, but we need to act mature about this. Violence is not the answer!" their _group therapist, _Mister Harris, repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last fifteen minutes. He too was getting irritated and now had an intimidating glare on his face.

Hermione couldn't blame him. Had she been in his shoes, she probably would just have bluntly told her classmates to shut the fuck up already and to plant their arses back in their seats. However, being the professional that he was, Mister Harris used other methods to make them cooperate. Hermione admired his professionalism. _He was good._

"Thank you. Now let's approach this civilly," the therapist suggested, clapping his hands together once as his face brightened and his wide smile appeared again. He then went back to informing the group about what he and the professors had discussed and asked for their opinions. Not that he received many helpful answers, as most of them were too busy sending death glares in Ron's direction.

Despite being repeatedly told that punishing and beating Ron to a bloody pulp wasn't the solution to their problem, it was more than obvious that the students weren't convinced and were plotting for Ron's demise anyway.

Even Hermione couldn't help wanting to seek revenge at first. All she had wanted was to pounce on him and make him pay for what he had done to all of them. However, after a "good night" of sleep and a phial of strong Calming Draught, the world seemed a little less sucky than it had two days ago. Whilst she was anything but happy, Hermione also didn't feel the urge drain the life out of Ron's body either. Oh, the wonders of the Calming Draught.

Their shared predicament was entirely Ron's fault - there was no doubt about it (even Ron didn't dare deny it) - but Hermione agreed that everyone needed to give her poor friend a break. It wasn't as if Ron was happy about the situation either, seeing as he was equally affected. But thankfully the girls - or should she call them _boys _\- were more willing to forgive Ron.

Hermione ran both hands through her hair - or what was left of her hair. Instead of her normal shoulder-length locks, Hermione now sported a short two-inch haircut that left no evidence whatsoever of her puffy curls. Never had she thought that she would miss something as trivial her unruly hair, but she did. However, as part of adjustment to her new situation, the hair had to come off. When she forced herself to think about it objectively, the whole situation was a little funny.

* * *

_It had been one of those typical Fridays where no one could wait for the weekend to arrive. Hermione and her classmates had been down the dungeons for double Potions, desperately trying to stay focused after Professor Slughorn discreetly hinted that the potion they were concocting that day was to be part of their N.E.W.T. examination in June._

_Hermione had, for once, been able to get Harry as her partner whilst Ron was stuck with the ever-charming Millicent Bulstrode in the front row. This, of course, hadn't sat well with Ron. He felt absolutely miffed about his lot and wasted no time in letting Harry and Hermione know. Both, much to his chagrin, gracefully ignored his complaint. As if the betrayal of his usual Potions partner wasn't bad enough, Millicent's non-stop criticism and bossy attitude didn't help raise Ron's mood either._

_So when his partner left the table to retrieve some additional Moonseed from the storage room, Ron, being the hot-headed person that he was, saw it fit to make a rude hand gesture at Millicent's retreating back._ _This turned out to be one of Ron's ill-thought ideas and it didn't take long for him realise the mistake. Unfortunately, the realisation came too late and there was nothing Ron could do to stop the disaster. He watched in horror as the jars of bat spleens, Ashwinder eggs, and stewed Mandrake from the potions kit in his hands toppled into the bubbling cauldron with a loud bang, as the cauldron exploded._

_The explosion covered the nearby students in sticky, smelly goo. Amongst those unfortunates was Hermione, whereas Harry had been lucky enough to be spared since fate had decided that his foot had to itch that exact moment, having him bend down under the desk down to scratch it._

_Naturally, everyone that had come in contact with Ron's concoction was immediately sent to the Hospital Wing for a check-up; however since no visible injuries or other danger from the potion could be detected, the students were released soon after. But as it turned out twenty-four hours later, Madam Pomfrey's optimistic diagnosis was proven wrong. Apparently it just took some time for Ron's potion to kick in and show its effects._

_The concoction of Befuddlement Draught and the three additional ingredients resulted in a new and very interesting potion of its own that none of them were prepared for. _

_Unsettling screams echoed throughout the halls of Hogwarts when the seven victims of the explosion woke up and glanced into the mirror the following morning. Instead of finding their normal selves staring back at them, they found a Mister Granger, Mister Brocklehurst, Mister Turpin and a Miss Corner, Miss Malfoy, Miss Weasley and a Miss Hopkins staring right back at them..._

* * *

"I already told you lot that I was sorry. What else to you want me to say? I didn't do this on purpose! Sometimes unfortunate things happen. _Shit happens_!" Ron's nervous voice squeaked from behind Mister Harris' back as he still stubbornly refused to part with his human shield. Hermione thought it was kind of hilarious to see Ron squirm like this, although she also felt sorry for him. He was one of her best friends, no matter what happened.

"_No, Weasley_! Shit like this _doesn't happen_! Blokes don't suddenly turn into women and women don't suddenly become blokes! Look what you did to us! I'm a bloody _girl_ now!" Michael Corner hollered, gesturing at his now very curvy and feminine self. Hermione supposed she would have considered the tall dark-haired Ravenclaw attractive, if it weren't for that crazy dangerous look on his face.

Not wanting his group to take ten steps back after finally making what one could almost call progress, the therapist quickly held up a hand authoritatively and gave Michael a stern look. He then turned to Ron and whispered an instruction. Hermione couldn't make out the words, but saw Ron nod weakly take his seat.

"Listen, I understand that this is a difficult situation for all of you, but we need to make this work. Your Potions professor and two very competent potioneers from the Ministry are already working on a cure to reverse this effect. I'm convinced that a cure will be found and that you'll have your normal bodies back soon. But until then, you'll have to learn to accept and how to deal with this situation appropriately. I can help you cope if you let me."

Several students (Mandy, Wayne, Ron and Hermione) nodded at this, showing their willingness to cooperate, whereas some (Michael, Draco and Lisa) only turned to zero in on Ron who was squirming uncomfortably in his chair.

"I want us to meet up regularly. I was thinking about setting up sessions every Monday and Friday at three. In these sessions we'll discuss the problems that you may encounter and think of solutions together. And I know from experience that it can be hard to talk about personal matters and share your feelings with others, but you once you get over that initial fear, you'll see that it can be very liberating to talk. I want to do this with the whole group for now; however, should you feel too uncomfortable, we'll split the group up - so that there will be a separate session for the boys and a separate one for the girls," the therapist explained. When he was about to continue, he was interrupted by a silky, but still annoying as ever, voice.

"But what if we don't to partake in this? What if I don't want to share my feelings with these dunderheads?"

"Of course, _he_ would protest," Hermione thought, rolling her eyes at the girl with the white-blonde hair. Once an arse, always an arse.

"Mister-?" the therapist asked.

"Malfoy, sir."

"Mister Malfoy, if you really don't feel like talking about yourself, then you won't have to. I'm not going to force anyone, but it'll still be mandatory for you to attend these meetings. Your friends may need the support, and would surely appreciate your help," therapist Harris answered calmly before adding in a more stern manner, "And please refrain from insulting your classmates - I will not tolerate it."

Not happy at being told off, Draco nodded reluctantly and crossed his arms over his chest, unintentionally drawing attention to that particular area. Hermione almost died when she caught herself staring at Malfoy's bust for far too long.

Meanwhile, Draco mumbled something under his breath that made Michael snort and nod in agreement. Hermione wasn't surprised that out of all people, these two bonded. Their snotty attitudes and insufferable characters was the ideal basis for a life-long friendship. It was practically a match made in heaven.

"I want you to be aware of the things that'll change for you. Whether you want it or not, things _will_ change; it is inevitable. People that have known you before the incident will most likely act differently towards you; even close friends. You must understand that they don't necessarily do that consciously or do it to be hurtful. This is something they will need to get used to as well," Mister Harris said solemnly.

"Yeah," Hermione mumbled. This was definitely something you needed to get used to. One would think she'd be able to have a normal school year for once, but it just wasn't meant to be - _as always_.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Coping

* * *

Hermione sat in the library, working on next week's Astronomy assignment to distract herself. Surprisingly enough, she had no problems concentrating and her homework was progressing quite nicely with only the concluding paragraph left. When she dipped her quill into the inkwell, Hermione noticed a shadow hovering over her desk. Hermione turned and found a grinning Harry standing behind her.

"'lo Hermione. How was therapy session?" he asked as he loudly dragged a chair from the neighbouring table to hers and sat down. Hermione frowned at the noise, but chose not to admonish him. It was Sunday afternoon and nobody but them seemed to be in the library anyway.

"Well, considering Ron made it out alive, I'd say it went pretty well. Therapist Harris seems like a competent man. I think we're in good hands. We have therapy twice a week for an hour.

"Speaking of Ron - where is he? I haven't seen him since therapy three hours ago. He didn't show up for lunch - which is, as we all know, a highly unusual thing. Ron Weasley _does not_ skip lunch," Hermione pointed out. Harry shrugged, seemingly unbothered by this.

"I last saw him with Ginny about an hour ago by the Black Lake. Looked like they were in some deep discussion, so I didn't want to bother them. Especially since it's so… _awkward_ now," he explained. Hermione quirked a brow.

"You know, since he's a girl," he added.

"Oh, and it's not awkward that I'm a boy?" Hermione asked. Harry shook his head.

"No, not at all. Hermione, please don't take it the wrong way when I say this, but you've always kind of been one of the boys to me," Harry admitted, air-quoting 'one of the boys'. Although Harry asked her not to be offended, Hermione still couldn't help but feel that way.

_Her?_ _One of the boys?_

Hermione scoffed internally and made a mental note to say something like "Harry, you're the best! You're like… _my best girlfriend_!" should the opportunity present itself in the future. _Hmpf! _

In the meanwhile Harry picked up her essay and skimmed over it. "Still studious and diligent, I see."

"Just because I'm different physically doesn't mean that my habits and my character changed as well. I'm still me. And Ron is still himself," Hermione answered, looking pointedly at her friend. Harry looked back at her guiltily.

"I know. It's just…"

"Awkward, I know, "Hermione finished for him. "It's something that everyone needs some time to get used to."

* * *

Hermione organized her things carefully in the shelves of her new dorm that she now shared with Mandy Brocklehurst and Lisa Turpin down in the basement near the Great Hall. The Heads of the different houses had earlier unanimously decided for new sleeping accommodations for the students involved in the potion's accident - not that the professors had much of another choice anyway. Apart from the fact of it being inappropriate for them to stay in the old dorms - considering their gender change - there was also a big second factor that came into play. One that Hermione had discovered the hard way:

It happened the morning after the accident when she had scurried out of her room in panic and sprinted down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room - or _tried to sprint_ down the stairs, she should say, because the second her foot touched the upper step, the stairs turned into a slide and she was sent tumbling down the said slide painfully.

_Curse those founders and their darn spell that prevented males from going up or down the girls' dormitories! _

Safe to say Hermione had caused quite a commotion (as would Ron later). Not only for tumbling down the stairs that led to the girls' dorm loudly, but also for being a_ boy _falling down those stairs - and an unfamiliar one at that!

Hermione sighed and rubbed her bruised elbow as she recalled those events. She never knew her fellow Gryffindors could be so intimidating until that day.

Hermione then glanced at her watch and decided it that was high time to head to the Heads-Prefects-meeting to discuss the patrols with her colleagues. There, she would also have time to catch up with Ron and see how he was faring with his new roommates Wayne Hopkins, Michael Corner and Draco Malfoy.

* * *

When Hermione arrived at the Heads' office it seemed like almost everyone had found their way the meeting already. She spotted Ron at the other end of the room and gave him a small wave whilst he nodded back at her. Most of students were chatting animatedly with each other, sharing gossip, talking sports and telling jokes.

As Hermione was about to take her seat, something forcefully collided with her back all of a sudden. When Hermione turned around to look at the offender, she found the fifth year's Slytherin prefect, Astoria Greengrass, staring up at her sheepishly.

"Um, I'm sorry, Granger," Astoria said in embarrassment, biting down her lip, obviously expecting Hermione to snap at her. One would have never guessed that a person this petite crashed into her, considering the force of the impact.

_Great, another bruise to add to the collection._

"It's all right," Hermione replied calmly as she rubbed her left shoulder and motioned for the girl to take a seat. Astoria quickly did as instructed and sat down - in Hermione's seat. Hermione scratched her head, but decided not to say anything about it, whereas the other prefects and the Head boy grinned in amusement at the girl. The Head students always took head seats and when Astoria also remembered this, she quickly shot out of the seat - and knocked into Hermione. Again.

_Bruises! Bruises! Bruises!_

"I'm _so_ sor-" she squeaked, but Hermione didn't let her finish and pushed Astoria back into the seat by her shoulders.

"Please just sit, Tornado-Greengrass; and don't move until the meeting is over," Hermione practically begged the Slytherin prefect whose face turned scarlet and who quickly averted her gaze from Hermione's. Many students chuckled at this.

"Well, it seems like everyone is present, so let's begin the meeting," Hermione's co-Head, Zacharias Smith, suggested. Most students, including Hermione, had been surprised when they heard how he was appointed Head boy. Especially considering the fact that he hadn't even been a prefect. Her bet had always been on Anthony Goldstein, but rumours had it that he had politely declined the position. Hermione wasn't going to question the decision of the headmistress in appointing Smith since he actually turned out to be a decent partner.

They discussed the schedules and issues that their fellow students brought up to them. Hermione mostly let Zacharias do the talking since she didn't like putting herself in the centre of attention with her new condition. She didn't want to give the students more excuses to stare at her in wonder or fascination than they already did. Ron and Malfoy suffered from the same fate as the students' eyes continually found them and inspected their new girly selves. (With Malfoy giving one-finger salutes like people gave out Halloween candy.)

One person who Hermione caught watching her a lot was the little Greengrass girl. Hermione supposed that this was more to check if Hermione was irritated with her, rather than gawking at her because of the whole gender swap thing. At least this seemed like a reasonable explanation for all the staring and blushing Astoria did whenever Hermione caught her looking.

_What an odd, and not to mention, _dangerous_ girl._

* * *

Hermione stood there looking at the urinals in wonder. Should she give it a try?

_Yeah, why not?_

She was in a male's body after all and she had always been curious about it (however strange that may sound). Now she could finally experience the perk of urinating whilst standing. Hermione stepped in front of the urinal and was about to get down to business, when she suddenly heard the door of the lavatory bang open, disturbing her in the process of her "experiment".

"_Harry_! What are you doing here?" Hermione yelped as she identified the newcomer.

Harry, who had not anticipated someone yelling at him when he strolled lazily into the lavatory, jumped back startled with his back flat against the wall. He, however, relaxed immediately when he realised that it was only Hermione.

"_Really, Hermione_. Was that necessary? You scared the hell out of me," he demanded in a slightly accusing tone. "Besides, what kind of question is that? Why do you think people go to the loo for?"

"Harry, I _know_ why people go to the loo for. What I mean is: Why do you have to go _now_?" Hermione asked as she tried to protect her modesty.

Harry just rolled his eyes at her and walked to the urinal next to hers. Hermione's eyes widened at this. Surely Harry wasn't going to do what she thought he was?

"Harry! What are you doing? Go away! _Get out_!"

"I need to take a leak, Hermione!" Harry snapped, ignoring her protests and began to empty his bladder unashamedly.

_How dare he pee?_

Hermione couldn't believe his gall. He just took a leak with her standing right next to him! When she had explicitly asked him not to! Hermione shook her head in disbelief.

"Well, are you going to take a leak or what? You should hurry. We have Transfiguration in five minutes," her friend then asked as he leaned against the wall lazily. Hermione's eyes narrowed at Harry's comment.

"Don't rush me, Harry. I'll pee when I-" Hermione began, but froze mid-sentence. With Harry irritating and distracting her from the - no pun intended - task at hands_, _she had peed on her hand!

_Some darn friend she had!_

Hermione decided then and there that she was going to be a sitter forever. _Screw standing!_

* * *

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Molly the Cat (the cat pictured in my avatar) who was the coolest cat ever.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Patented

* * *

Hermione lay back in her chair and listened to what their therapist had to say. She was glad that this session progressed much smoother than the ones before. Nonetheless, she still considered asking Mister Harris for separate girls' and boys' sessions. There were things she felt too awkward to talk about with the "girls" around. Besides, Hermione was sure they had some awkward subjects of discussion of their own. _How could they not?_ _They all gender-swapped!_

"I've been told by your headmistress that your parents have been informed about your condition and have been invited to Hogwarts. They are set to arrive here tomorrow afternoon. You will all be excused from classes that day," Mister Harris explained, but was interrupted by one of his moody patients.

"Wait, _what_? Our parents have been invited to Hogwarts? They are going to see us like _this_?"

"Yes, Mister Hopkins."

"But I don't want them to see me like this!" the student exclaimed, his voice laced with panic (or irritation, Hermione couldn't quite decipher). A few students nodded in agreement with Wayne. Actually, if Hermione thought about it, no one looked too happy about the news - herself included.

"Mister Hopkins, you have nothing to be ashamed about," Mister Harris reasoned.

"I'm not ashamed," Wayne immediately denied.

"Well then, where's the problem?" the therapist asked patiently. Instead of answering the question, Wayne proceeded to just ask another question.

"Why have they been informed? This is... ugh; I don't know... all I know is that I don't like it."

Hermione agreed to this sentiment. She didn't like it at all.

"Well, whilst all of you are of age, it's still school policy to inform the parents when their children are involved in bigger accidents. And this - although none of you is injured - is a very unique situation after all. We still don't know when an antidote is going to be found."

Yes, she had heard the rumour that it could take some time. Apparently, the search for the antidote turned out to be much trickier than the experts had initially expected. However, that wasn't really the problem. _Okay, it was big part of the problem_, but Hermione was sure that another circumstance was more of an issue here. She decided to share this thought with their therapist.

"Mister Harris, I think the thing that most of us are concerned about is how our parents will react. What actions they might take.

"I imagine some would do something drastic and take their children out of school. I'm definitely more than concerned about this. My parents are less likely to be indulgent towards what happened. They're Muggles and although they do support me and my education here, they're still sceptical when it comes to magic," Hermione explained seriously. Their therapist nodded understandingly.

"I understand, but I don't want you to worry too much about it. Your headmistress and I will talk to each of your parents. I think we'll be able to convince them not take any of you out of Hogwarts," the therapist replied diplomatically.

* * *

Hermione felt nervous as she made her way to the Great Hall where they would be meeting the parents. She cast a look at Ron who, unlike her, seemed relaxed. He saw her watching him and gave her a small smile.

"Don't worry, Hermione. Things are going to be fine. I'll even have mum and dad talk to your parents if you want to. Your parents won't just take you out of school," he tried to reassure her. Hermione nodded, although she still felt ill at ease. Nevertheless, she still appreciated Ron's attempt in trying to make her feel better. He was a great friend.

"You're taking this whole thing really well, Ron. I wish I could say the same thing about myself."

"Oh, I'm definitely looking forward to have things go back to normal, but I also have to say that this is not so uninteresting. You know, Hermione, I even wrote a letter to the patent office at the Ministry to take out a patent for my potion," Ron explained nonchalantly, however the spring in his step suggested that he was quite excited about this. Hermione stopped walking abruptly.

"You did _what_?" she asked incredulously.

"I patented my potion," he repeated slowly. "I'm sure there's a market for my potion and lots of money to be made. George also thought this was a good idea. Sent him an owl about it yesterday."

"Ron, have you completely lost your mind? We don't even know if there are any long term side effects and you're already talking business!" Hermione still couldn't believe she was hearing right, whereas Ron grew a little irritated with Hermione's reaction.

"Well, Hermione… I have to protect my interests. One's got to take precautions when money is involved. Do you really think that no one else will see the opportunity?"

Hermione ran a hand over her face. She couldn't deal with this right now. She had bigger things to worry about than Ron's future potions empire or whatever he was planning.

* * *

Hermione didn't know what to say to them as they gaped at her. Her parents had been staring at her in disbelief for a good minute now and it was getting more than uncomfortable. It made her feel like a freak (which in a way she kind of was). She stole glances at them and shuffled her feet, willing her parents to say, well, _anything_. They were not making this situation easier for her.

Hermione soon realised that she would have to be the one to break the ice. However, she barely even managed to get out a "Hi mum and dad", when her mother suddenly flung herself at her.

"Oh my poor baby!" she exclaimed as she hugged Hermione tightly. Her father awkwardly stepped towards them and joined their group hug.

"Headmistress McGonagall told us what happened. This is so horrible!" her mother continued whereas Hermione frowned deeply. _Sure, this wasn't a great situation, but her being a boy couldn't be _that _terrible_? Hermione's father seemed to have read her mind and decided to intervene and interrupt his wife's monologue.

"Darling, that's a bit harsh, wouldn't you say? She's still our Hermione; no matter how she looks like now. I dare say you make a rather dashing fella. Beautiful as a girl and handsome as boy."

Hermione gave her father a small smile and scratched her head, feeling rather self-conscious. "Thanks, dad."

"Oh, you know I didn't mean it like that. It's just that my little girl…I-," Mrs Granger began to explain herself, but couldn't really find the words. She looked at her husband helplessly.

"It's alright. I know you didn't mean it like that," Hermione decided to say diplomatically despite feeling a bit hurt. The family then sat down and talked about Hermione and about how she was coping. It was probably one of the most intense discussions she ever had with her parents, although her father couldn't help but laugh heartily, when Hermione brought up her concern about them possibly taking her out of Hogwarts.

"Hermione, this is so very _you_ to worry about school even when you find yourself in a situation like this one. Even though I have to admit that I'm very upset with your school, we wouldn't think of ever doing that."

Hermione's mother gave him a surprised look. "We wouldn't?"

"No, we wouldn't," her husband replied firmly. His wife huffed, but then her eyes suddenly brightened.

"Looks like someone just had an idea," Hermione thought in amusement.

"But you know that you can home anytime right, darling? We could have you home-schooled! It probably won't be cheap, but you're worth every penny!" her mother said hopefully, but Hermione shook her head.

"That's very thoughtful of you mum, but I'd rather stay," Hermione answered carefully as she watched her mother's happy mood deflate visibly. This made her feel guilty, but home-schooling? _Not a chance in hell._

"I'm happy here, mum, and the group therapy sessions are definitely helping me."

"Okay; but remember: you can _always_ come home!"

The Granger family continued talking until late in the night. Hermione and her father had both managed to convince Mrs. Granger that Hermione would be better off staying at Hogwarts in her condition since she would have peers going through the same things as her.

Although admittedly, Hermione almost changed her mind the next morning when it was time to say goodbye. She hadn't realised how much she had missed her parents until she'd seen them. It would have been great to have them close by, but Hermione knew this wasn't possible if she wanted to finish her education at Hogwarts.

"So, Hermione, I'll guess we'll be seeing you in a few weeks in the Easter holidays?" her mother asked, but Hermione knew that this was a rhetorical question only. Her parents were rather insistent that she come home and not stay at Hogwarts or at some friend's house during that time. Her parents had been rather short when it came to this lately, but she had to admit that she understood them. She saw her parents very little during the year and saw her friends all the time. She really needed to balance her time between friends and family better.

"Yes, I'm already looking forward to it," Hermione answered sincerely before turning to her father.

"Well, Hermione, keep your chin up. Maybe we could go fishing or golfing when you're home. Maybe even catch a match of the Reds. What do you think?"

Hermione's eyebrows shot up at her father's question. Fishing or golfing? A football match? Her father had never suggested those activities for father and daughter bonding time before. Not that she would describe herself as particularly girly, but still…

The longer Hermione mulled over this, the harder the conclusion eventually hit her at the end: Those weren't daughter and father bonding activities - no, those were father and son bonding activities! Hermione wanted to say no, but when she saw the hopeful look on her father's face, she couldn't do it.

_Oh, to hell with it._

"Okay," she replied as her father beamed at her, looking very happy. If she actually thought about it, her father had seemed very content and laid back about her new situation… if not somewhat thrilled to have a _son_ now.

A light fist bump against her shoulder by her father only confirmed her thoughts. _Yeah, her father was so down with her being a boy._

* * *

Hermione strolled up the hill when she suddenly heard some commotion by the greenhouses. Whilst she wasn't really in the mood the deal with what seemed to like a rebellious teenager and would rather continue her relaxing walk, it was still her duty as Head girl to check the situation out.

"Probably some student trying to nick herbs," Hermione muttered to herself as she made her way towards the source of the noise. There was a particular herb that was currently very in fashion amongst the students. This particular herb had the characteristic, once consumed, of turning the consumer's irises icy blue. It was a herb that was very popular amongst the girls in Hogwarts. Not that Hermione really kept up with such things.

Once she arrived at the crime scene (a.k.a. Greenhouse 3), Hermione was surprised to find a dishevelled and angry-looking Draco Malfoy. Around him were broken pots and scattered Herbology equipment.

"_MALFOY! What on earth do you think you're doing_?" she hollered.

"Oh, fuck off, Granger," Draco replied snappily and kicked a pot nearby, breaking it, too.

"Malfoy, stop it right now," Hermione warned, her hand finding her wand. Draco scoffed, however stopped his crazy rampage.

"I don't know what your problem is, Malfoy, and frankly I don't care. However, I have to care about you destroying school property. I'll have to report you to your Head of the House so you'll receive the appropriate punishment for this. I'll also dock 15 points from Slytherin."

"Do whatever you want, Granger. I don't give a rat's arse."

"Aren't you well spoken? So, going to tell me what this is all about?"

Draco sent her a look full of disdain and flipped the long silvery hair out of his face. "Thought you don't care."

"I don't, but I'm asking anyway."

Draco rolled his eyes at her and plopped down on one of the seats. "Well, it seems like my parents have already begun the process of replacing me - since girls can't carry on the Malfoy legacy."

Hermione wasn't sure what to make of Draco's words and apparently, it showed, since he decided to elaborate.

"And they say you are smart... Granger, those traitors that I unfortunately have to call my parents are planning for _another heir_! A _male_ heir."

"_Oh._" Now she could definitely understand why Malfoy wasn't too happy. They had been stuck in their new bodies for only three weeks, so this seemed like a very hasty (not to mention insensitive) decision. In the meanwhile Draco continued his rant.

"This is so insulting - not to mention disgusting! They're too old for stuff like this."

Hermione silently agreed. She liked telling herself that parents didn't have sex either and that she was brought to her parents by a stork.

"Malfoy, I get that this is upsetting, but it's still no reason to destroy school property. Try some other physical outlet like Quidditch or something," she suggested, trying to calm Draco, but he only watched her with narrowed eyes.

"I'm off the team. We have a no-girl-policy."

Hermione cringed. _Well, way to put one's foot the in mouth._

"Um... that sucks," she replied lamely, not knowing what else to say.

"Please Granger, as if you care. My parents are going to pay for this," Draco snapped and shot out of his seat to stalk towards the door.

"Remember Malfoy, report to Slughorn later this afternoon because of detention," Hermione called after him.

"Yeah whatever, Gryffindork," came the snotty reply before the Slytherin stormed off, leaving an irritated Head girl behind.

_Definitely need to add disrespectful behaviour towards the Head girl to the list of offense. What an arse!_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This one is rather short, but still better than no update, right? :)

* * *

Chapter 4: When things get even more awkward

* * *

Hermione stared at the big pile of food on her plate. It was scary how much she ate nowadays, but she couldn't help it. She always felt so hungry! Her body needed significantly more nutrients than when female. Luckily enough, her new male body had a fabulous metabolism and she could pretty much eat all she wanted without getting fat. It was absolutely terrific.

Hermione also made a mental note to herself to never make scolding remarks at Ron ever again about the mountains of food he always devoured. _She totally got it now_.

"… I dunno. She was quite snippy this morning. I think she's annoyed that she isn't the only girl in family anymore. Ginny was always 'special' as the only daughter, but now there's also me. So she's miffed she's not getting the special treatment from mum and dad any longer," Hermione caught the snippet of conversation between Ron and Harry. She had already wondered about Ron's younger sister's whereabouts. The girl was nowhere to be seen, which was strange since Ginny had been pretty much attached to her brother's hip the last couple of weeks. However, judging by Ron's remarks now, the two siblings had a falling out. It was a real pity since the two of them had been getting along so well (which was a very nice change from their constant bickering). Hermione only hoped that Ron hadn't told his sister those exact things he'd just told them; because if he had, then it was no surprise that Ginny snubbed him. Even if his words possibly held some truth, they weren't exactly nice.

"And then there's also the part with me being competition in the looks department. Not trying to be conceited here, but I'm one hot-looking redhead," Ron continued whilst Harry didn't know what to add to the strange topic of discussion. Although he now hung out with Ron like before again, Hermione could see that Harry still felt extremely weirded out sometimes. Hermione also observed that the motto "weird comments shall all be ignored" seemed to be Harry's policy recently.

"What makes me even better is that I'm a hot lesbian," Ron added and this time Hermione and Harry both choked on their food and began coughing violently. Ron shook his head at them.

"Seriously, you lot."

Hermione pounded her chest and coughed a few more times before answering him.

"Ron, you are not a lesbian," Hermione objected.

"I beg to differ there, Hermione. As of current state, I'm a girl interested in girls - hence making me a lesbian. A _hot_ lesbian," Ron insisted whilst Harry still tried to dislodge the food in his throat with big gulps of water.

"Gods Ron, you have the strangest thoughts these days," Hermione complained.

"I request a change of topic," Harry finally managed to contribute to the conversation, his face bright red. Ron sighed heavily.

"All right."

"Good; and don't randomly say stuff like that again while we're eating. Are you trying to kill us?" Harry demanded.

"Now you're being a little dramatic," Ron said defensively. "I was just trying to make conversation. _Actually_, I was just answering _your_ question as to where Ginny was. So don't blame me."

"Yeah, okay. Let's just... let's talk about something else," Harry suggested again and fortunately got his wish granted. So Quidditch-talk it was (much to Hermione's chagrin).

* * *

"I hope you aren't too offended when I say this, but it seems like some of you are in a very foul mood today," Mister Harris remarked as he let his eyes wander over to his "female" patients and rest there. Hermione agreed to this observation wholeheartedly. People like Malfoy or Corner were never overly friendly, but both were particularly vicious today. Hermione watched as Draco drew a deep breath before he began his rant.

"Oh I'll tell you why I'm in such a 'foul mood', all right. Today I woke up with the most god-awful pains and was bleeding from my ... from my _you know what_. As if that wasn't bad enough, it then took me a quarter hour to insert the frigging tampon properly. So excuse me for not being all rays of sunshine."

Everyone's eyes went round at Draco's words. Even Mister Harris was a bit taken aback and didn't know immediately what to say; however Ron was there to save the day.

"You should try pads. They're much easier to use," he said helpfully, but it became apparent that Malfoy did not appreciate this piece of advice. He was too upset.

"_Weasley_, I do not spend a quarter hour trying to figure out how to insert these awful inventions only to then use those nappy-like things, when I finally figured it out," Draco snapped before catching himself and realising the potential embarrassment should this conversation ever be repeated to anyone outside their group.

Hermione's really couldn't help it. She really tried, but still burst out laughing uncontrollably anyway (the others somehow managed to hide their amusement more subtly). If it had been anyone else, she supposed she would have had some compassion and felt sorry for them, but since it was just Malfoy...

_This was awfully uncomfortable and too funny at the same time!_

Draco's eyes were now reduced to slits. "I swear, if any of you repeats what I just said, there'll be hell to pa-"

"Mister Malfoy, I have told you before and will tell you _again_: Stop threatening your classmates! I know I'm not your professor and can't give you detention. I can, however, go to one and ask them to take action against uncalled behaviour like this. I don't like using treats against treats, but if this is the only way...

"You are an adult - please act like it. Treat others the way you want to be treated. As far as I'm concerned, Mr. Weasley just gave you some very helpful advice," the therapist lectured Draco and gave Ron an encouraging smile. Ron proudly ate up the praise.

"Granger, laugh it up while you can. Don't think no one saw you two days ago, when you tried to sneak into the bathroom without getting detected in order to get rid of that morning wood of yours," Draco told her smugly and Hermione suddenly did not feel like laughing anymore.

"That's not... I didn't... I wasn't-," she spluttered, but didn't get very far as someone interrupted her.

"Thank goodness! I thought I was the only one having this problem," Mandy exclaimed, looking relieved that Hermione shared her plight. When Hermione cast a look at Lisa, she saw her nodding lightly in agreement as well.

"My hormones are going absolutely crazy!" Mandy added in exasperation.

_Yeah, her hormones were all over the place_ and Hermione was _not _amused. 'Things' happened in the most inconvenient times too! Hermione just wanted her lady parts back. Being a boy sucked!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Princesses and Curses

* * *

The sun had already begun to set, taking away what little warmth it provided, leaving both Hermione and Ginny shivering in the dim light as they made their way back to the castle after their stroll outside.

The two had finally managed to catch up on each other after Ginny's successful avoidance of her brother for almost a week. Having had more rows with Ron than she could count, Hermione decided not to butt in on this one and let the Weasley siblings deal with this on their own. She would, of course, lend them an ear whenever they needed somebody to talk to, however, refused to take sides. They would _not_ drag her into their argument, _no Sir_.

In fact, Hermione had very early on decided to take on Harry's famous "I'm neutral"-stance since it made her life so much easier. If the Ginny and Ron wanted to be stubborn and give each other the silent treatment, then that was fine by her.

"At first I thought it was kind of cool that to have a 'sister', but he's become so full of himself! You know what he said to me the other day? He accused me of being _jealous_ of him! Can you believe that? It seems so silly that I believed our good relationship would last. Ron could get very annoying being his normal self, but he's even more so as a girl," Ginny complained, pulling her hair in frustration. Hermione looked at her sympathetically.

"I feel for you, Ginny. He _does_ have really strange thoughts and ideas these days; but then there are also moments when he's surprisingly insightful and sensitive - pleasantly so. I think those oestrogens are doing him some good."

"I guess… but it still that doesn't change the fact that he's driving me crazy lately. Sometimes I just want to bitchslap him. Can't believe my own self-control," Ginny joked and Hermione chuckled.

"That's Ron."

"Yes, _that's Ron_," Ginny sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, trying to warm herself up. "One would think he'd be more grateful that I helped and supported him so much the last few weeks. You know the whole adjusting to being a girl? I did the whole '101 - Life as a Girl' thing with him! Many incredibly uncomfortable moments I had so suffer through, let me tell you that. But I did it anyway since I wanted to be a good sister. And how does he repay me?"

"So you helped him with all that stuff? I guess I shouldn't be as surprised as I am, since you helping him only makes sense. I'd already begun to wonder how Ron knew so much! He's been giving the other guys all sorts of advice even," said Hermione before sharing some 'Ron moments' from their therapy sessions. Ginny scoffed loudly when Hermione finished.

"Acting all like the expert now, isn't he? Well, I'm sure my brothers will sort him out and take him down a few notches once we go home for Easter holidays," she said in a clipped tone before a wide grin spread on her face, her eyes drifting off to la-la-land as she obviously imagined what awaited Ron at the Burrow a few weeks away from now.

_Poor Ron_.

* * *

Hermione gathered her books and stacked them neatly on top of each other before getting up and carefully balancing them two rows down to their section in the library. As she clumsily began to resort them one by one, Hermione felt a presence behind her. Slowly, she turned around and discovered Malfoy staring up at her expectantly. Hermione frowned back in confusion.

Giving him a quick once over, Hermione took note of his hair with some amusement. Draco's long white-blonde hair was stylishly done in a French braid, no doubt curtsy to Pansy Parkinson. The girl had persistently asked to be allowed to style his hair, however, had always been rebuffed. _Well, until this day. _

"What, Malfoy?" Hermione eventually decided to ask, wanting him to stop the creepy staring and just tell her what he wanted.

"I need a book," he finally answered, his left hand reaching into his blazer pocket, fishing out a piece of paper and handing it to her. Hermione took and read it. Her frown deepened.

"If I'm not mistaken, the 'RS' in the shelf mark suggests that this is a book from the restricted section," she said slowly, fully expecting Draco to deny it, but he didn't.

"That would be correct," he said with a curt nod.

"Students aren't allowed access to books from the restricted section," she reminded Draco.

"With the exception of the Head boy or Head girl," Draco cut in, clasping his hands together behind his back and giving her that _expectant look_ again. Hermione shook her head and held out the note for him.

"Forget it, Malfoy. I'm not getting you that book. It was sorted to the restricted section and out of students' reach for a reason. And for the record: Even Head students have very limited access to the restricted section of the library." When Draco still ignored her outstretched hand, Hermione let it drop back to her side.

Draco pursed his lips. "I know that, Granger. If you would take a closer look at the shelf mark, then you'll see that the book belongs to the area that is accessible to you."

Hermione studied the note again. He was right.

"RS-PREG-14-LIM… Malfoy, even with it being a book with limited restriction and me technically being able to get it for you - there's probably a good reason as to why normal students don't have access to it. Not trying to start a fight here, but you're hardly the most stable person at the moment. So, _no_,"

Draco started to look deeply annoyed with her unwillingness to cooperate.

"And what evil deeds do you believe I'd commit by looking up a book on wizarding _pregnancies_?" he exclaimed, tilting his head heavenwards and rolling his eyes. His answer took Hermione by surprise.

"Wizarding _pregnancies_?" she choked out, her eyes gone round and owlish. "Malfoy are you pregnant? Did Goyle knock you up or something?" _Dear Lord! What a horrible fate! _She wouldn't wish something like this on anyone - even Draco Malfoy.

Upon hearing Hermione's question, Draco whipped his head back down to glare at her.

"Are you stupid? Of course_ not_! With all the fuss you made about my little episode in the greenhouse a while back, you'd think that the reason for me to look up information on pregnancies would be _obvious_. But let me spell it out for you: My mother is expecting."

"Oh, wow. Um… Normally I'd say 'congratulations', but I sense that it's not really appropriate here."

"Yes, please spare me. Just get me the book."

"Malfoy, why would a book on wizarding pregnancies be in the restricted section?"

"It's probably because the book contains content of somewhat of graphic nature. Look, I'm concerned for my mother and want to make sure that she'll be all right. She didn't have the easiest pregnancy with me. There were complications, which is why my parents decided not to have more children after me. However now… Granger, I need to read up on this topic. I'm worried."

Malfoy sounded too sincere when he said this that Hermione couldn't help but sympathise with him. He might act like a little shit most of the time, but he really did care for his mother.

"Okay, Malfoy. Wait here."

* * *

Hermione took out her novel and settled in the chair opposite to Draco. The latter was immediately engrossed in his book the moment he had opened it. Every once in a while Hermione would glance up from her novel and monitor what her classmate was reading.

"What?" Draco snapped when he caught her looking.

"Nothing, I was just checking up on what you're reading."

"Yes, because I'm sure that you'd need to look at my hair for that. Don't even think about mocking me about it, Granger."

Okay so her eyes might have wandered off a moment to admire his hair. As much as she hated to admit it, Malfoy did have very nice hair - hair she could only dream of having. So shiny and healthy-looking, without any frizz at all.

"Why would I mock you? I think it looks nice."

"Right," Draco answered in a clipped tone, not buying it; but after a while of staring at her in suspicion, he seemingly decided that Hermione might have been sincere with her compliment after all.

"They always got in my face, but I wasn't going to cut them because I don't do the pixie cut shit. And since Pansy's been offering to do my hair for ages, I decided to let her," he offered and Hermione nodded. They then went back to what they were doing before. It wasn't until Draco took out a parchment and started to scribble on it that Hermione decided to speak again.

"Malfoy, why does that page you're reading look like something you should _not _be reading?" she asked as she scanned the title. Draco looked up in surprise, however, said nothing. He only gave her a short shrug before returning to his notes. Not satisfied with his answer, Hermione reached over the table and snatched up his parchment.

"What the fuck, Granger?" Draco immediately cursed, but was ignored by the person the curse was aimed at. A deep frown settled on Hermione's face again as she skimmed over the content of the paper.

"Malfoy, this is a curse. Why are you looking up a curse and taking notes about it? You told me you wanted to look up stuff about complications during pregnancies because of your mother."

Draco stood up and leaned over the table.

"Well, I _lied_," he mocked and snatched the parchment out of Hermione's hands and quickly stuffed it into his pocket. Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"Malfoy, give it back or I'll report-"

"Report me to a teacher? _Puh-lease, Granger. _How about you come up with something new?"

"The paper, Malfoy. _Now_."

"_No_."

"Malfoy, I'm not kidding. Give me that note," Hermione warned as she tucked the book from the restricted section under her arm away from Draco. "Don't make me come over and to take it from you."

At her threat Draco quickly reached into his pocket, took out the note, folded it before stuffing it into his bra, believing it would be safe from Hermione there.

"No," he mouthed smugly. Hermione gritted her teeth.

"Give it to me freely, or so God help me, I'll come and get it from you."

"You wouldn't," Draco replied, not believing her. In fact, he was sending her a daring look even.

"Oh, I would," Hermione answered firmly, now taking a step towards him.

"I honestly doubt tha-GRANGER!" Malfoy yelped as Hermione lunged at him and suddenly held him in tight a grip lock.

"GRANGER YOU LUNATIC!" he continued to scream, struggling in vain to get out of Hermione's hold. The latter had taken her new tall physique and strength to full advantage. Draco had no chance - or at least Hermione had thought so. She was, however, taught better when she suddenly felt a blinding pain that brought her to knees. _That little wanker had kneed her in the balls!_

Hermione had always thought that guys were exaggerating with the pain, but she knew better now. It wasn't exaggerated one bit! _Gods, the pain!_

"Serves you just right. How dare you attack me like that?" Draco fumed as he looked down at her in disdain. Hermione could only groan in reply as she dropped onto her back. She felt like all air had been sucked out of her and couldn't move.

"Well, as fun as this was, Granger, I have to leave you now. Normally I'd say 'See you later', but let's not," Draco said 'pleasantly' as he stepped over her form and walked off.

* * *

This was how Astoria Greengrass found her. The girl gasped loudly and dropped her things when she saw Hermione groaning on the floor, eyes shut.

"_Oh my_. Are you… are you all right? Wait, that was a stupid question. Of course you're not all right. What happened?" she demanded, dropping to her knees next to Hermione. Hermione rolled to the side, her eyes snapping open, looking into Astoria's concerned ones.

"Had a little row with Malfoy. Unfortunately _he won_," Hermione offered, lying there for a few more seconds before struggling to sit up. Astoria quickly slid an arm around Hermione to help her.

"Thanks, Astoria," Hermione said gratefully and carefully sat down on a chair nearby. Astoria nodded.

"No problem; but may I ask how exactly this happened?" she asked curiously. Hermione let out a long sigh.

"Well, I discovered Malfoy looking up a curse and don't think that he did it just out of curiosity. He wants to use it against someone. I wanted him to give me his notes, but he refused, so I went to get it myself. He kneed me in my family jewels before I could succeed…"

"Oh, um…you should tell a professor about the curse."

"I probably will, but first I'd like to try and talk to him." Yeah, since she was the one who had actually given him that book in the first place, making her somewhat an accomplice (or _accessory_, given her current state).

Astoria looked at her thoughtfully.

"You know, I never liked Draco. My sister is friends with him, although I never understood why. He's so rude and acts like he's better than everyone else. I'm afraid my sister fancies him and that's why she puts up with him."

Hermione grimaced at the thought of Malfoy being mooned over by people. She just couldn't see it. Astoria giggled at her expression.

"_I know_. I don't get it either. Our parents are friends, so I unfortunately get to see him quite often during the holidays. Always acting like a spoiled little princess - which I suppose he now sort of is: _Princess _Draco," she joked and both Hermione and she burst out laughing.

It was always astonishing how easy it was to bond with someone by slagging Draco Malfoy off.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: VSATGPFAN88, this one is for you. :)

* * *

Chapter 6: All's Fair in Revenge and War

* * *

Her irritation grew the longer she waited. So far her attempts at intercepting Draco Malfoy had been unsuccessful. Apparently the sneaky little rat had mastered the way of avoiding her overnight, only letting Hermione catch short glimpses of him before either disappearing into a throng of students or into what Hermione assumed were hidden passages that weren't documented in the Marauders' Map.

Hermione cursed and berated herself for even letting him get away with all of this instead of just choosing the easy way out and informing a teacher. It wasn't like Malfoy appreciated her generosity anyway. Not to mention that he was completely wasting her time!

_All the interesting things she could be doing_, _had she not to search for him!_

However, judging by the sound of approaching footsteps and the sickeningly sweet voice of Draco Malfoy, the long manhunt was finally over. Hermione pushed herself off the wall and walked towards him. She couldn't resist a snort at the sight of him striding down the corridor liked he owned the place whilst flanked by his _new_ _bestie _Michael Corner and the ever loyal Gregory Goyle.

Malfoy stopped dead in his tracks for a second when he saw her before quickly straightening up to make himself look taller and acting completely undeterred by her presence. Hermione guessed that this was exactly how she always looked like when getting into an argument and wanting to appear more intimidating. Malfoy hadn't quite perfected this look just yet (and for a moment Hermione wondered if she had managed to).

"Hello Malfoy. I'd like to have a word," she announced whilst trying to hide a victorious grin for finally cornering him.

"Granger, I'm busy," Draco answered with an undertone of annoyance and unease (Hermione noted this with delight) in his voice.

"No, not too busy for this," she told him firmly, causing Goyle and Corner to raise questioning brows at their friend, but Draco only waved them off and told them to head off without him and that he would catch up with them later. When they were out of sight, Draco crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

"Anyone ever told you how much of a pest you are?"

"Ditto, Malfoy. I'd rather associate as little as possible with you, but we both know that we have something to settle first. We are here so I can kick your arse."

At these words, Malfoy's hand shot to his wand, ready to duel Hermione if necessary. However, Hermione made no move to attack him.

"Whilst _that_ would be something you deserve, I have - much to your luck - changed my mind and decided to let you off if you'd just hand over that note and take a little oath. I'm sure this is preferable to the involvement of teachers."

"Why Granger, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're afraid of getting busted by the teachers yourself. You know, since you helped me getting a book that was _clearly_ containing _Dark Arts_. This would look very bad on your student's record," Draco countered. Hermione gritted her teeth.

"Indeed Malfoy. This is why I came up with this plan; although I doubt that it would damage me very much. This is more about avoiding an uncomfortable situation or worse, the guilt of letting you do illegal and dangerous stuff to your mother."

"Do you really think that I'd harm my own mother?"

"Malfoy, you're the Devil's Spawn - of course I do," Hermione answered calmly whilst Draco gave her the finger. Hermione couldn't resist returning the gesture.

"Have you even read the whole thing?"

Actually she hadn't, but skimming over it had, in her opinion, told her enough. Malfoy realised this and pointed an accusing finger at her.

"You didn't!"

"It doesn't matter, Malfoy - because what you're planning is still illegal. How could you? To your pregnant mother no less?"

"Actually, I might have lied about that bit," he admitted reluctantly.

"Lied about what bit?" Hermione pressed, taking a step forward.

"About her being pregnant."

"So, if it's not your mother who is pregnant, then _who_ is?" Hermione asked in exasperation, throwing her hands up in the air before dropping them and then eyeing Draco in horror, "Malfoy, I knew it: YOU are pregnant! … But let me ask you here: Why would you curse yourself? I know it mustn't be all that great to have Goyle's kid, but…"

A red light flashed by Hermione's head. Draco had his wand drawn at her and had only missed her by an inch. Had Hermione still kept her old hairdo, the hair would have been badly singed.

"_Malfoy_!" Hermione yelled in outrage. _How dare he try to hex her?_ Hermione drew out her own wand whilst Draco still hadn't lowered his.

"Granger, _no one_ is pregnant! But my mother might as well be. If you'd actually read the damned chapter of the book, then you'd have known that the curse _only_ works if put on a person _before_ the pregnancy."

"Well, you can't really fault me for assuming things with you talking about pregnancies the whole time. Goyle's been spending a whole lot of time with you and I _have_ seen him eyeing you up on a few occasions," she explained defensively whilst Draco looked deeply disturbed by this news. Hermione was sure that Draco now reconsidered spending so much time with his long-time friend.

"And it doesn't help that you _lie_," she added. Draco shrugged.

"Can't help it that you're naïve."

Hermione took a deep breath in order to calm herself down and not lunge at him.

"Okay Malfoy, how about you tell me the truth this time?" she asked as she lowered her wand and patted her hair. "Tell me what I'm missing."

Draco pursed his lips as he considered her request. He eventually decided to answer.

"I was looking up the Exsecratio Filiae - the Curse of the Daughter - to curse my parents with a girl. If you had invested a little of your time in something useful like Latin, or if you had bothered to read the chapter, then you would have known that.

"The Curse of the Daughter was actually a very popular curse amongst warring clans until it was declared illegal about two hundred years ago. The curse was used to prevent people you considered your enemies from continuing their legacy, their family line, by preventing the birth of a male descendant. It's a complicated curse, but if performed correctly, has a success rate of seventy per cent. I was actually planning on combining it with the Gemini Curse, so they'd not only have a girl, but a set of _twin_ girls. Happy now, Granger?" Draco asked sarcastically.

"And you tell me that you're not the Devil's Spawn?" Hermione commented flatly.

"All's fair in revenge and war. My parents need to be punished. And my punishment for them is no sleep for next few years and the constant worries that come along with being a parent to girls. No real harm, but still a punishment for their betrayal."

If Hermione wasn't entirely mistaken, Draco actually looked proud of the idea he had managed to come up with. She shook her head.

"Malfoy, there will be neither revenge nor war, because I will make you take a binding oath that will prevent you from doing so."

Draco snorted. "Forget it, I won't take any oaths. You'll just have to take my word," Draco dismissed and walked around her to head after his friends. Hermione's hand shot out to stop him.

"You're not going anywhere."

Draco obviously disagreed and tried to shrug her off, but Hermione's hand only clutched his wrist tighter.

"_Granger_," he said warningly.

"_Malfoy_," she replied in the same manner and then everything happened very fast. Malfoy swung his leg back to get a full kick in her family jewels, but Hermione was already prepared for that and caught his leg mid-kick. Because if anything, Hermione Granger was a quick learner. _No more defeat by groin kicks!_

"Hah!" she cried out triumphantly and then added to provoke him, "That was weak, Malfoy."

But Malfoy didn't bother answering as he was too occupied in keeping his balance since standing on one leg only. He wasn't very successful though and when all failed, he did what he had to do…

* * *

Awkward seconds ticked by until Hermione, who stood stock still from shock, eventually said something.

"Malfoy, would you mind unwrapping your legs from around me? Because you clinging onto me like a horny little koala would look _very, very bad_ if someone walked by."

Draco glared up at Hermione. "Granger, if you hadn't grabbed my leg then I wouldn't have to resort to this. I lost my balance!" he hissed as he unwrapped his legs from Hermione's waist and slowly slipped down.

"Well, I had to grab your leg because you wanted to kick me! You didn't have to jump me like a horny little koala either. It's not appreciated."

"Stop calling me _that_! You wouldn't let go and I didn't want to fall!"

"Just because you wouldn't take the oath! Seriously Malfoy… You, ugh, can we just _please_ do as I suggested? Or do you want any more awkward encounters like this?"

Draco huffed and reluctantly held out his arm to her for the oath. Hermione rolled her eyes and drew out her wand.

_Yes, Draco Malfoy was not a difficult person _at all_. _

* * *

Another day, another therapy session. Hermione discovered that she didn't mind them anymore. Sometimes she even looked forward to them and today, Hermione apparently wasn't the only one. Malfoy seemed to enjoy himself during therapy immensely - albeit for a very, very different reason.

Since the beginning of today's session, Malfoy's eyes had continuously darted over to Ron to smirk at and laugh "covertly" about him. (Although the laughing actually sounded very much like giggles to Hermione's ears.) And Ron, well, he looked ready to explode after letting Malfoy provoke him for far too long.

"Draco, I'm pleased to note you're in a good mood today, but this behaviour is kind of distracting," Mr. Harris remarked.

"I'm sorry Mr. Harris," Draco apologized whilst trying his best to stifle the laughter. "I'll pull myself together - promise."

"Thank you," Mr. Harris said gratefully and continued the session - that is until interrupted by Draco, who couldn't keep his promise, again.

"Malfoy, the ice you're walking on is very, very thin," Ron said warningly, balling his hands to fists. Hermione had to say that she totally understood him. Their therapist, however, did not.

"Guys, what is this all about?" he demanded, his eyes flitting between Ron and Draco.

"It's nothing," Ron answered huffily whilst Draco said nothing, but giggled again.

"Seriously, it's not even that funny. What are you - nine?" Hermione reprimanded Draco as the whole thing was starting to get on her nerves as well.

"_But_…," he giggled again, "… that's where you're wrong, Granger. _So wrong_. Besides, what kind of nine-year-old would get this? Did you at that age?"

Hermione decided not to acknowledge him with an answer. _He was so immature!_

"Hermione, can you tell us what this is all about?" Mr. Harris asked, looking at her as if she was his last resort in finding out what was going on.

"Um, I'm not sure I should get into this," Hermione answered warily as she cast a look at Ron. He looked really angry and this anger would only be extended to her if she talked. In his eyes this would be a huge betrayal.

"Well, these two are obviously not going to talk, so help us out."

"It's juvenile, really," Hermione tried to talk her way out of this.

"_Please_," Mr. Harris stressed the word with such insistence that let Hermione know that this was not a request. Hermione took a deep breath and trained her eyes on her hands, avoiding all eye contact with Ron.

"They had an argument earlier today where they called each other stupid names. Ron saw Malfoy petting my cat Crookshanks and made a jab at him about it. Told him how he never would have thought that Malfoy was a cat person, but-", the explanation was interrupted by a _giggle_. Hermione quickly caught her mistake and shook her head at Draco, letting him know how very childish she thought he was being.

"_However_, Ron thought that he had to tell Malfoy that he always thought of him as a _ferret _person, not a _cat_ person." Snorts and cackles echoed the room after Hermione's explanation whilst the therapist looked plain confused. Hermione decided to elaborate.

"Well, you see in our 4th year, there was this incident where Malfoy had an argument with my friend Harry. Harry didn't want to let the likes of Malfoy bother him so he left. When Harry had his back turned to Malfoy, Malfoy here very cowardly tried to attack Harry, however, was stopped by a professor who transfigured Malfoy into a ferret as disciplinary action. This professor actually later turned out to be a Death Eater, however, that's beside the point.

"So obviously, Ron's jab didn't sit well with Malfoy, which in turn made Malfoy tell Ron that he thought that if Harry and Ron ever were to enter a gay relationship with each other, then Ron would be… the _butt_."

Muffled laughter.

"I think you get the gist as to why _he_," Hermione pointed at Draco, "in the presence of Ron, always giggles whenever the word…," Hermione paused, "_but(t)_ is said."

"My comeback was _so_ much better, wasn't it?" Draco couldn't resist asking whilst clutching his stomach. Judging by their roaring laughter, most of his peers seemed to agree with him.

"Although, as of current state Weasley wouldn't even have to be the butt. He'd still be Potter's bitch, though," Michael mock-whispered to Draco, who had a hard time sitting up from laughing so hard.

During all of this, nobody cared to watch for Ron, so when a blur of fury lunged at Draco and Michael, it was already too late and a huge cat fight broke out - a fight that landed them _all_ in detention for the lack of _camaraderie_.

What a day.

* * *

A/N: Sorry everyone for the long wait. I had a bit of a motivation problem.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: The Whore of Babylon

* * *

Hermione puffed her cheeks in frustration. Just how hard was it to find something she liked? Apparently, _very difficult_. So far pretty much nothing she'd looked at had appealed to her. Well, actually that wasn't entirely true. There _had_ been a few items, but she could hardly wear cutesy dresses like the one in her hands, now could she? Hermione folded the dress and put it back on the stack and went back searching.

_Ugly. Ugly as well. No. No. Not that one either._

This continued for several minutes until she finally found two acceptable shirts and a pair of trousers. Although her mother had sent her a few things over past weeks, there was only so such an owl could carry. Whilst the school owls very dutifully did their job, carrying heavy packages long distance was not doable. And Hermione couldn't keep borrowing Harry's clothes forever, even when he repeatedly told her that he didn't mind. Ron's clothes were sadly out of question since he was way taller than her. He, on the other hand, was lucky enough to have almost the same size as Hermione as a girl (albeit the school skirts were bordering scandalous thanks to his long legs).

Continuing to explore the surprisingly large shop, Hermione discovered that she wasn't the only one having a frustrating shopping trip today. Only moments ago she'd spotted Draco Malfoy rifling through the shop, accompanied by Pansy Parkinson and Tracy Davis, who were both commenting on his choices with mostly disapproving remarks which very obviously started to irk the ex-Seeker.

"Ugh no, put that back immediately, Draco. That colour clashes horribly with your complexion. Makes you look pale as a sheet," Pansy objected and snatched the jumper out of her friend's hands.

"Yes, it's not a very good colour on you," Tracy immediately agreed, shaking her head at Draco. She tapped a finger against her chin and let her gaze wander over the range of clothes.

"Now _this_ one would look great on you. That tone compliments your eyes," she then announced and held up a different jumper against Draco's torso. Draco swatted the garment away and gave both girls the stink eye.

"Well, maybe I like looking pale," he replied bitchily and snatched the jumper he'd chosen back from Pansy, adding it to his 'approved pile' of clothing. The girls shared a look and rolled their eyes when Draco's back was turned. Hermione had to muffle laughter when Draco picked up something else that was followed up by an 'Are you sure?' and 'A bit last season, but if you _really_ like it.'

Hermione was glad she'd successfully managed to fend off all offers made by her former roommates to assist her today. No doubt, Lavender and Parvati would have driven her up the wall just like Tracy and Pansy were doing with Draco. Not only with their 'expert' fashion advice, but also with their very inappropriate personal questions. Like many others, Lavender and Parvati were far too curious about her new gender-swapped life. Asking someone about things like male masturbation or requesting details on how it was like to have sex as a guy - in case of occurrence (which wasn't going to happen as far as Hermione was concerned) - went a step too far.

Hermione's presence didn't go completely unnoticed by the Slytherins either. Fully expecting a few insults thrown her way, Hermione prepared a few veiled insults of her own - but much to her surprise, the snarky comments never came. Instead, Pansy just watched Hermione in a bored, but still evaluating manner. Although it irked her, Hermione decided that annoying stares were still better than annoying comments.

Unlike Pansy, Tracy had yet to give up. She continued offering fashion advices, only to have Draco giving her snappy replies and putting the things on his approved pile anyway.

"You actually buying that?" Hermione heard Pansy eventually asking.

"Yes, Parkinson, I am," Hermione answered calmly, smothering the urge to tell the Slytherin to mind her own business. Fashion advice from the self-proclaimed fashion queen was the last thing Hermione wanted. Nevertheless, she was about to get advice anyway.

"Well, at least you seem to have a somewhat better taste than Draco," Pansy said loudly enough for said person to hear and to give her the super stink eye. "Although not by much," she then added.

"Then let's agree to disagree when it comes to taste in fashion," Hermione countered and focused her attention back on the items displayed on the table in front of her. Before Pansy could say anything, an angry 'Fine! Choose all the ugly clothes you want!' was yelled and a blur that was Tracy Davis stormed off to the exit. The store owner gave the girl a disapproving look for the tantrum and 'ugly' comment.

"Pansy, _let's leave_," Tracy called impatiently when she noticed that her best friend hadn't immediately followed her.

"Coming." Pansy zipped up her jacket and started towards the door, but, of course, not without making one last comment.

"Granger, you might want to consider staying like this. Because _this-_," Pansy started to say as she gestured up and down Hermione's body, "is definitely an improvement."

That said, she stalked out of the store and along with her upset friend. Hermione crinkled her nose in distaste as she stared after Pansy for the backhanded compliment.

"What a cow."

"My word, Granger, my word," a voice to her right suddenly drawled. Looking sideways, Hermione found Draco Malfoy standing next to her. She eyed the articles of clothing he was holding with interest.

_Parkinson's and Davis' critique wasn't actually that unfounded…_

Seeing Hermione eying the items in his arms, an idea sprang to Draco's mind and before Hermione knew it, she suddenly found herself staggering back and balancing a huge stack of clothes.

_What the?_

"Might want to make yourself useful," Draco told her and flounced over to another corner of the shop. It took Hermione a few moments to process what just happened. Did that little princess actually think that she'd carry his stuff while he shopped?

_Yeah, as if that was going to happen._

So with every intention to tell Malfoy to stuff it and dump the garments over his head, Hermione walked over to Draco. However, before Hermione could do what she intended, a store assistant appeared, asking if she could help them with anything. Draco, much to Hermione's surprise, declined_ politely._

"My, my, aren't you a gentleman carrying your girlfriend's things?" the assistant then suddenly addressed Hermione, smiling at her approvingly. Hermione immediately wanted deny any friendly and much less boyfriend-girlfriend-ish association with Draco Malfoy, but was beat to an answer.

"Yes, that's my little _slave_," her classmate told the shop assistant sweetly, nudging Hermione 'playfully' (a.k.a. painfully) in the ribs before throwing more things on the stack in Hermione's arms.

Hermione glared hard, but the action sadly went unnoticed; all the clothes were obstructing the view to her face. The Head girl didn't doubt that someone like Malfoy would enjoy making her his very own shopping minion. And as much as she disliked Malfoy, she just couldn't destroy the nice shop lady's illusions about them. So Hermione patiently stood there, listening to shop lady's non-stop chattering whilst waiting for Malfoy to finish his shopping spree.

"Come on, _slave_, I'd like to pay," he eventually called out, saying 'slave' as if an endearment that they both knew it wasn't.

_Draco Malfoy was going to pay for this stunt._

* * *

"Malfoy, stop following me. Go away!" Hermione shooed the Slytherin who walked closely behind her on the main street of Hogsmeade. _Ugh, why couldn't he just leave her in peace?_

"I don't like you," she then added for good measure to emphasise that his company was unwanted.

"Oh _please_, as if I'd follow you. We just happen to have the same destination: The Three Broomsticks. And just so you know: I don't like you either."

Hermione huffed and walked faster, increasing the distance between them. Not that that lasted for long, though. The Three Broomsticks was packed with people and she had a hard time locating her friends. Standing at the entry and craning her neck, Hermione felt something hit her legs, making her legs buckle a bit. Malfoy had also entered the pub and couldn't care less about apologising for ramming his bags into her.

_How typical._

Hermione shook her head and continued searching. As she looked around, Hermione suddenly got an idea - the perfect revenge. An evil grin spread across her face.

* * *

When Draco noticed Hermione looking at him, he couldn't help but snap at her. "What is it, Granger?"

The Slytherin watched as the Gryffindor's face suddenly grew serious. "I told you to stop following me," she said loudly, drawing the attention of a few customers nearby. Draco scoffed.

"Grange-," he started, but Hermione interrupted him before he could actually say anything.

"Seriously, you need to stop. I know you're desperate and scared, but I don't even know if that baby is really mine like you're claiming!"

_Wait, what? What the fuck was Granger on about?_ Draco stood there dumbfounded, not understanding what was going on. He tried once more.

"Granger, what th-"

"As far as I'm concerned, you're just trying to trap me. The baby could be anyone's!" Hermione continued dramatically and a few bystanders tsked. "You cheated on me with several of my friends."

Draco turned beet-red after that comment whilst many bystanders shook their heads disapprovingly and started to whisper unflattering things about him. Draco glared at them and finally understood what Granger was doing. _That bitch!_

Hermione ran a hand tiredly through her hair for dramatic effect. "I still can't believe you did that to me," she said sadly, playing the sympathy card - and, oh boy, sympathy she did get whilst Draco only earned disgust.

"I loved you," she choked out. (Hermione willed all her power not to gag when she said this.) And before Draco could join Hermione's game and say something insulting about Hermione's 'manliness' - such as having a tiny penis which why he 'cheated'; he had to find someone else who could satisfy him - Hermione had already stormed off dramatically, leaving him standing there under the watchful eyes of the audience they had gathered during this little scene.

"_Granger_!" he yelled after the Gryffindor, but whipped around when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from going after Hermione.

"Leave the boy alone. I think you put him through enough," the nosy woman who had obviously watched them, said.

"He's lying," Draco tried to defend himself and shrugged off the woman's hand angrily. Judging by the expression on her face, the woman didn't believe him.

"Just let it go. Let _him_ go," the woman advised Draco and went back to her table. Processing what had just happened in half disbelief, Draco clenched his hands to fists.

_That Gryffindor bitch had just slut-shamed him publically! And all these people now believed he was the Whore of Babylon!_

Draco fled out of the pub, feeling completely humiliated.

_Granger was going down! Even if that was the last thing he ever did. Granger. Was. Going. Down._

* * *

A/N: O_O Hermione going around slut-shaming? How rude, right? Hahahaha!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: A thousand apologies for neglecting this story for so long! Thanks for still reading it!

* * *

Chapter 8: Pro At Work

* * *

Life was sweet and today it was sweeter than ever. If there was one thing Hermione Granger loved, then it was the taste of triumph. Normally, this translated into top marks or proof that she'd been right whilst others had been wrong. Yes, she was the kind that liked to rub it in people's face.

She had gotten Draco Malfoy good. The Slytherin hadn't even understood what had hit him until it was too late. The whole encounter had Hermione bursting with glee, so it was no surprise that her friends immediately picked up on her splendid mood.

"Don't you just look like a Crookshanks who caught a canary?" Ron commented as she took a seat.

"Perhaps," she admitted, giving him her best Cheshire grin, however not elaborating. Sometimes savouring victory in silence was so much better.

"Very vague, but okay... Hey guess what, Hermione! Something totally wicked happened earlier! When I went over to the bar to get us Butterbeers, there was this bloke who totally paid for all my drinks! _How wicked is that_? Random strangers offering to pay your drinks! Being a woman has _so _many perks!" Ron announced, gesturing enthusiastically at the mugs in front of them.

"Why haven't you ever taken advantage of that? You had those girls too," he added, pointing to his 'two girls'. Even after weeks in his new body, his bust still fascinated Ron a great deal. Hermione shrugged.

"Not my style, I guess." Although she felt comfortable about her body, flaunting it wasn't something she did.

"He's been telling every single friend who walked by this story," Harry drawled, rolling his eyes in process. Naturally, the comment and eye-roll didn't sit well with Ron.

"Jealousy does not become you, Harry," Ron said, peeved. This accusation caused the Gryffindor Seeker to splutter and spray his Butterbeer all across the table. _Talk about gross._

"I'm not getting you a new one," the redhead added, eyeing the mess in front of him with distaste.

"I'm_ not _jealous!" Harry promptly protested, sitting up pin-straight in his seat. "And whoever said I wanted you to get me a new Butterbeer? I can get my own! I just think it's weird how you go around flirting with strange blokes and brag about it after."

Ron sighed and subjected him to a long, judging look. However, instead of saying something catty back, this time Ron decided to be the bigger person.

"You could get people to pay for your drinks too, you know? Should be fairly easy since you're the 'Chosen One and Boy Who Lived'. After all, who doesn't dig famous people? And I was hardly flirting - just being friendly when the guy chatted me up. There's no harm done in being friendly. I mean, look at what it got me!" Ron boasted, taking a big gulp of Butterbeer. "Also, I'm a lesbian, remember?"

"Not this again," Harry muttered, dabbing the wet area with a few tissues to clean up his mess.

"Anyhow, thanks Ron." Hermione cut in and raised her glass to say cheers. Better intervene and steer the conversation elsewhere before this little quarrel was blown out of proportion.

After their second round of Butterbeer, Ron excused himself and went to the loo. Although 'excuse' may actually be the wrong word to use, since his exact words were: "Be right back - got to take a piss."

When they were alone, Hermione decided to confront Harry about something that was bothering her.

"What was that all about earlier? You know, the whole Butterbeer thing? Was that really necessary?"

Harry sighed. "I know, but I can't help it. He's so un-Ron sometimes. Did you know that he owns a strawberry pillow? In case you're wondering what that is, I'll happily elaborate: a strawberry pillow is a pillow that looks like a giant strawberry and smells like one, too! I didn't even know something like that existed! That is, until I saw him lounging on one when we hung out in your new common room the other day. Why does he have a strawberry pillow, Hermione? Ron should not be owning plushy, fruity smelling strawberry pillows!"

"That pillow actually belongs to Ginny."

"We should return it to Ginny then."

"_Harry._"

"She's probably looking for it," Harry continued as if he didn't hear the warning in her tone.

"I don't think she cares, so leave him and the pillow be. But since it bothers you so much, I may as well tell you that it's an orthopaedic pillow, relieving neck pain and helping against stiff necks and all that jazz. I got one too. Not in strawberry form, but yeah." Hermione reasoned, so Harry finally conceded.

"Well, okay. It's just this…" Harry struggled to find the words.

"This?" Hermione probed.

"It's the way he's fluttering about like he's some bloody fairy that is hard for me to adjust to." Whilst saying this, Harry made ditzy gestures Hermione assumed her friend thought were fairy-appropriate. (They were not.)

"Nice metaphor," she answered flatly, the corners of her mouth, however, twitching and betraying her amusement. Sometimes she wondered if Ron even realized how feminine he acted occasionally. Sadly, they weren't able to analyse this matter in more depth because Ron returned.

During their next conversation about public conveniences and their hygiene - a topic they took up on after Ron started complaining about someone leaving sprinkles on the toilet seat - a familiar 5th year Slytherin stopped by their table.

"Hi Hermione!" Astoria said cheerily, added with a small wave to her greeting. She then turned to acknowledge the other two, "Ron, Harry."

"Hi Astoria," Ron and Hermione chorused. Harry, on the other hand, only pondered over the question on when he and this girl had become acquainted enough to be on first name basis. He wasn't aware they knew each other at all (not that that mattered since she seemed to be friends with Ron and Hermione).

"I'm sorry to bother you, but would you terribly mind if we sat with you? This place is jam-packed," Astoria asked, gesturing to herself and her friend who looked about the same age and could easily pass as her sister. However, the brunette was in fact Tracy Davis' younger sister.

"Sophia and I promise not to annoy you… too much," Astoria added playfully, flashing them a brilliant smile (that was mostly directed at Hermione).

"Sure, please have a seat."

"Thanks."

Astoria and Sophia took off their jackets and sat down. They spoke lowly, nudging each other's side.

"Back to our topic: Hermione, that's just plain nasty! Why would you do that?" Ron demanded.

"I _never_ said _I_ did. I only said that _some people_ do and that's probably why there were sprinkles on the seat."

"Have these people never heard of Scourgify? There's also always the alternative of wiping the seat," Ron cried, shuddering as he thought back to his trip to the loo. Hermione shrugged as if to say: "Beats me, too."

Astoria and Sophia exchanged curious looks. "Um, not trying to be nosy, but what are you talking about?"

Hermione scratched her head and smiled sheepishly. "Oh, we were discussing the hygiene in public conveniences, but I suppose we should change the topic since this is kind of a gross."

"Of course it's gross, Hermione! Some women are complete pigs!" Ron pounded with his fist on the table whilst saying this. He then turned to the Slytherins to fully include them in the conversation (or more like make them listen to his rant).

"So I've just learned that some women don't sit down to take a piss when they use public loos. Apparently they 'stand-sit' - if that's even a word. You know, they hover above the seat, but not quite sitting down. And some of these 'ladies' apparently can't aim! It's disgusting!"

"Uh…" Astoria as well as her friend looked a bit lost for words. Ron took their silence as mutual shock at his discovery.

"_I know, it's shocking_. And they always say that men are pigs," Ron muttered, shaking his head. "Right, Harry?"

"Yeah, gent's toilets aren't actually as bad as they always say," Harry agreed.

"I don't understand either why some people don't clean up after themselves. Like you said: there _is_ that spell called Scourgify," Sophia added to the conversation.

"Yes! I'm so glad you lot understand what I'm talking about! I wonder if they have house-elves here," Ron continued.

"I sincerely hope that the answer to that is _no_," Hermione said testily.

"Hey, I'm just saying. The Three Broomsticks isn't exactly small. Aside from being a pub, it's also an inn. Old Filch wouldn't be able to maintain the whole castle on his own, even if he weren't a squib. We have house-elves at Hogwarts to help with the all the work. They cook our meals; they clean the common rooms… Well, they did until you started knitting those hats of yours, leaving them everywhere and scaring the house-elves off," Ron decided to remind her whilst Harry snorted with laughter. His friend had done her best, but _man, those hats had been far from pretty_!

"Please don't remind me. It's bad enough that they have to cook for us."

"Why? Do you have anything against house-elves?" asked Astoria in confusion. She never would have pegged Hermione as someone who disliked house-elves. Hermione's eyes bugged, feeling taken aback by Astoria's question.

"What? _No, of course not_! I am, in fact, very good friends with an elf who works at Hogwarts. The only thing I have something against is _slavery_. Admittedly, the house-elves at Hogwarts are treated fairly well and are paid for their labour. They don't get much, but it's a start."

"I discourage further questions regarding this topic or otherwise Hermione will start preaching about SPEW," Harry whispered as a warning to the girls, but wasn't taken seriously.

"What's a spew?" Sophia asked loudly.

Harry groaned whilst Hermione cast him a withering look. She couldn't understand why he and Ron always made fun of S.P.E.W.; especially since they both knew of the horrors poor Dobby had to suffer through before he became a free elf. Her friends had both joined S.P.E.W., so a little compassion and dedication surely couldn't be too much to ask for.

In hindsight Neville would have made a much better secretary than Harry. He took her and her mission very seriously. And instead of Ron, she should have asked Dobby about the treasurer position.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's S.P.E.W., not spew!" she groused before answering Sophia's question. "S.P.E.W. stands for Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. I founded the organisation about two years ago. Admittedly, I wasn't very successful, but at least raised some awareness about the terrible living conditions of house-elves.

"The current state is simply unacceptable. House-elves deserve to be free; and not considered as someone's property. They're living beings, not things. But their lives are bound and dedicated to their wizard masters entirely. That's not right."

"But it's always been this way. House-elves like the way their lives are run. I've never heard one complaining about it. On the contrary, our house-elves love working for my family," Astoria interjected, quick to defend herself and her family against Hermione's accusation.

"Yes, but only because they can't remember leading a different life. They've been conditioned to live like this for centuries. It's offensive that intelligent beings with such extraordinary magical abilities are reduced to 'menial labour' such as cooking and cleaning."

"Not every house-elf is mistreated like Dobby, you know?" Harry argued.

"I know that, Harry."

"Just imagine how Kreacher would react if I told him he was free and that he was getting paid from now on. He'd flip! He'd flip and run amok. Right after having chased me down and beaten me to death with his favourite frying pan - Master Harry or not."

Kreacher really was one of a kind. Extremely kind and loyal if you were in his good graces, but crazy son of a gun if he couldn't stand you.

"We've always treated our house-elves well," Astoria stressed. Whilst she wouldn't go as far and claim friendship, the family elves were still dear to her.

"I believe you, but I still think that things need to change. I'd even go so far and say that their magical skills are superior to ours in some areas. However, they can't live that potential and that's very sad. They deserve a chance."

"I never looked at it like that way, but you do have a point," Astoria admitted. "It's still something that will be hard to implement."

"That's why S.P.E.W. didn't catch on. Unfortunately people aren't ready for a change. But even if I only managed to convince a handful of people, it's still a success. Maybe they'll be able to make a difference," Hermione explained. "But moving on to a different subject: Anyone else want another Butterbeer?"

"Yes, please."

Astoria's eyes followed Hermione as the Head Girl made her way to the bar.

"That's so admirable, don't you agree?" Astoria gushed and let out a dreamy sigh. "It's so important to stand up for the less fortunate. The world needs more people who are as compassionate as Hermione. Not only is Hermione an excellent student, but also a great role model out of the academic field."

Sophia nodded along to this, although Harry suspected that she didn't really care Hermione's crusade. She simply agreed to please her friend. But it wasn't really Sophia's behaviour that caught Harry's interest. Whilst he wasn't always the quickest when it came to these things, Astoria's infatuation with Hermione was so painfully obvious.

He decided to share his discovery with Ron and started nudging said person in the ribs. Ron's Butterbeer immediately went down the wrong pipe when he saw Astoria's longing looks at her object of affection. What only made this funnier, was the fact that the Head Girl was completely oblivious to her admirer.

* * *

"I see you did some shopping today," Astoria remarked when Hermione returned, pointing to the bags by Hermione's seat. Hermione nodded.

"Yeah, I bought some clothes. Took me ages to find something decent."

"Oh, I love clothes shopping! Do you mind if I take a look at what you bought?"

Hermione liked clothes shopping too, although she would never ever admit that out loud. "Sure, knock yourself out."

Astoria grinned and reached for the nearest bag. When she did this, the Slytherin pressed her body close to Hermione's, which, of course, didn't escape Ron or Harry who both had to bite the inside of their cheeks to fight laughter. Especially Ron had a hard time fighting it, his face turning more crimson with every second that passed.

Hermione on the other hand pressed herself against the back of her seat, trying to minimize the body contact. Not that she had anything against Astoria, but Hermione wasn't sure how she felt about having Astoria draped over her lap. Sure, they were friends, but they weren't that close - so no need to get all that _close_. Although she was probably just being completely ridiculous, making a fuss over something very innocent. She still couldn't help but notice all the gesturing and hand or shoulder touching when the Slytherin prefect talked. But she guessed that some people were just touch-feely that way.

* * *

Hermione felt nervous. A week had passed since the 'Malfoy Incident' at the Three Broomsticks and so far nothing had been done in retaliation. Others would say that this was a good thing, but Hermione knew better. After all, this was Malfoy she was dealing with.

However, that wasn't the only feeling that caught up with her. Along with the uneasiness, came the remorse. It wasn't until the third day that she felt guilty over what she had done.

It was the moment she witnessed a scene between her co-Head and Malfoy. The former had been lecturing the latter on the student dress code. (Malfoy had had three buttons of his shirt unbuttoned due to the rather warm room temperature that even had Hermione sweating.) Malfoy immediately hit the roof and accused Zacharias of discriminating and trying to shame him. It was quite a memorable scene.

The Head Girl knew that she needed to apologize for her vicious prank. She had been way out of line and totally understood if he rejected her apology.

Now it slowly dawned to her that Malfoy may have only lain low this entire time, to come up with his perfect revenge. Chills ran down Hermione's spine when she caught him looking, waiting to catch her eye during dinner. Their staring match lasted until Malfoy suddenly smirked and raised his glass at her. He then cast a look at her cup as if to tell her that he knew something that she didn't. Hermione's hand froze mid-air and she cast a worried look at her cup.

_Was it possible that Malfoy somehow managed to slip something in her drink? No, he had already been seated when she arrived, so that wasn't possible._

However now that she thought about it, a couple of Slytherins had walked passed the Gryffindor table when she and Neville had been engrossed in a deep conversation about the Venomous Tentacula. Perhaps one of them had done the deed for Malfoy...

Whilst she doubted that Malfoy would dare to slip her something truly harmful, it would probably still be wise to put her bezoar to good use.

_Better safe than sorry, they say._

* * *

She kept a close eye on Malfoy for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, this only fed her paranoia. The smirks he sent her way whenever he caught her looking, were disconcerting to say the least.

It was why she acted jumpy all day, jerking at the most harmless noises or movements, earning a few raised brows. But for all she knew, Malfoy could strike any moment. Therefore she had to be alert at all times!

As if that wasn't already enough on her plate, her cat had gone missing. Whilst it wasn't entirely unusual for Crookshanks to go explore the grounds for hours, he'd never been gone this long before. Call it overreacting, but the fact that Hermione hadn't seen him since yesterday evening, worried her greatly. Perhaps her friend could help her.

"Hey Ron, have you seen Crookshanks? I can't seem to find him anywhere."

"Actually, that I have. He's upstairs in our dorm," Ron answered, looking up from his Quidditch magazine briefly. His answer surprised Hermione.

"Upstairs in your dorm?" she asked, wanting to know if she'd heard him right. Not tearing his eyes from his read, Ron nodded.

"Yes. Napping on Malfoy's bed, in fact."

"Napping on Malfoy's bed?!" Hermione repeated incredulously. Again, Ron nodded.

"Well, yeah. Crookshanks' been making himself at home in our dorm for the last week. I'm afraid he sort of adopted Malfoy," he explained. "You know, I've actually liked Crookshanks ever since the whole Scabbers debacle, however _this development_ _with Malfoy_… it's very disappointing indeed."

Hermione's jaw dropped to the floor. Her cat was _chumming up with Malfoy_? (Or to put it in 4th-year-Ron's words: fraternising with the enemy?) If so, she had to put a stop to it immediately! She was absolutely not having any of this!

"Ron, go upstairs and get my cat," she ordered, but Ron wasn't cooperating.

"What? _No_!"

"Why not?" Hermione glared at her friend, hoping he'd feel intimidated, but her plan backfired. Instead of intimidated, he only looked extremely miffed.

"Just because I admitted that I liked Crookshanks, doesn't mean that I'm going to carry him down here for you. That cat _does not_ like to be picked up from his sleeping spot. I learned that the hard way when I found him on my bed and tried to move him."

As evidence he shoved up one sleeve slowly, showing Hermione four long, angry scratch marks.

"You've got to admit that it's tedious to be woken up from deep slumber," Hermione defended her pet. Ron sighed, knowing that he should have expected no less from her. So he tried a different approach.

"Why does it bother you so much? Crookshanks can fend for himself. You don't even have to worry about him starving. Malfoy is feeding him plenty."

"WHAT? Malfoy is_ feeding _him?" Hermione cried, ignoring Ron's offended look.

"Seriously Hermione, do you have to raise your voice at me like that? I'm just the messenger. Don't shoot the messenger," he complained.

"I'm just worried about my cat," Hermione mumbled apologetically. She didn't mean to snap at Ron, but _what on earth was Malfoy playing at_?

"All this testosterone does not become you," Ron muttered before adding more loudly, "Well, as I said before: your cat is fine. Malfoy feeds and grooms him. And don't even think of repeating what I just said - it's irritating," Ron warned, so Hermione held her tongue.

"As far as I can tell, he's not out to harm Crookshanks - which I know is hard to believe since we're talking about Malfoy here. But apparently he likes animals, especially cats. You know those grooming and treat kits for cats they sell at the Magical Menagerie? Well, Malfoy bought the biggest package of "My Purrrfect Cat" there is. It's fascinating and scary at the same time to watch him brush Crookshanks' fur every night," Ron continued. He had observed Malfoy's suspicious behaviour closely the last few days, but hadn't found anything truly alarming.

"So if Malfoy suddenly took special interest in Pigwidgeon, you wouldn't be worried?" Hermione probed.

"Of course I would be worried! What kind of question is that?" Ron scoffed. _How could she doubt his affection for his little owl?_

"See! I have all reason to be worried!"

"Not really. Pig is an owl and very loyal. Whereas Crookshanks is a cat. Hate to say this, Hermione, but cats aren't exactly known to be loyal - compared to other pets like dogs and owls," Ron explained to his scowling friend.

Hermione hated how Ron might have a point there. Sometimes Crookshanks acted far too independent for her liking. But before she had to resort to drastic measures (threatening Ron seemed like her best option), the furry creature luckily came trotting down the dorms' spiral staircase on his own.

"Crooks!" Hermione cried and immediately hurried over to gather the cat in her arms and inspect him.

_Fur still orange and fluffy, no additional eyes, ears or tails or broken bones. Excellent!_

Whereas Hermione was happy to be reunited with her pet, the same couldn't be said for Crookshanks. He all but enjoyed his owner's thorough inspection. In fact, he squirmed as much as possible and meowed loudly, demanding to be put down. When his owner did just that, he immediately sprinted back up the "girls'" dorm. His body language just screamed: "Leave me in peace, you pesky human!" (Not to mention the puffed fur to emphasise his outrage.)

"Told you. No loyalty those cats," Ron unnecessarily commented as Hermione just gaped after her cat.

_You've got to be kidding me!_

"I can't believe that _snake_ is turning my cat against me! Did you see that? How Crookshanks pushed himself away when I held him?" Hermione ranted, balling her fists in anger.

She really had to hand it to Draco - he went where it hurt. This wasn't some amateur she was dealing with. His steps were well-planned. She had a pro at work.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Beef

* * *

Another Friday afternoon, another therapy session. Today the group was informed about an upcoming medical check-up and updated on the process of finding a cure. According to Mr. Harris, the potioneers were close to a breakthrough, only needing to find a way to stabilise the potion. Whilst most rejoiced at these news, some students didn't want to keep their hopes up. They had been at this point one time before and had been sorely disappointed in the end.

"Well, if this turns out to be another complete failure, I suppose some of us could still get something positive out of the situation. Think about it Weasel: if you're lucky, you could finally be able to escape poverty and marry an old rich man," Draco called over to taunt Ron before he burst into a fit of giggles, mentally congratulating himself for what he thought was a clever insult. Ron, much to Hermione's surprise, seemed entirely unbothered by the comment.

"Why yes Malfoy, that sounds like an idea! Your father sure looked interested earlier," he answered snottily whilst flipping his hair for more effect. The smug expression immediately slipped off Draco's face.

Hermione couldn't have been more proud of Ron at that moment. Mandy Brocklehurst even started slow-clapping for him in awe whilst Michael Corner's cackling echoed throughout the room. Hermione supposed that his loyalty to Malfoy only went so far.

"You fucking weasel! I'm going to kill you!" Draco threatened and a shouting match between him and Ron began. Whilst it had been amusing at first, Hermione soon had enough.

"_God! Would you two just shut up already?!_ What is it with you and always picking fights? I've had a very stressful day and now just want to relax, but can't, since you two twits are making it impossible! I swear that if you don't stop pissing me off, I'll punch the fucking daylights out of you two!"

Fortunately after Hermione's outburst, the situation calmed (their therapist had strongly disapproved of Hermione's method, leading to a long discussion about Hermione's 'aggression') and both Ron and Draco stayed clear of each other. However, that didn't stop her best friend from being cross at her for the rest of the day.

"You threatened me. You said you'd beat me up," her friend said accusingly at dinner.

"I didn't mean it, Ron," Hermione tried to assure him, but apparently wasn't doing a very good job. Ron still looked at her warily.

"I think we both know that's a lie," he answered tersely, crossing his arms over his chest. Hermione sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair.

"Okay, you're right. I had meant it when I said it, but deeply regret it now. You are my friend and I shouldn't have threatened you or Malfoy with violence. I'm sorry I lashed out and took my bad mood out on you."

"Well, that's more like it."

"We're good now?"

"Yes, but you should consider some sort of activity to work off that stress and build-up testosterone. It makes you act like a brute.

"And just for the record: I wasn't lying about Malfoy's father. Lucius Malfoy did give me a look earlier. Not exactly a "come hither"-look, but close. You know the look predators give their prey before they pounce? Only instead of pouncing on me because I'm hot, it was more of a pouncing on me because I turned his son into a girl. Red hair unfortunately gives you away as a Weasley quickly."

"Of course, how can anyone not see how similar those things are?!"

"Well, let's not be too pedantic with the semantics, mate."

"Okay, I won't be. Listen, I'm going to head upstairs to take a shower and catch up with you, Harry and Ginny in the Gryffindor common room later, all right?"

"Okay."

What Hermione didn't anticipate when she entered the bathroom to take a nice, relaxing shower, was the high-pitched scream that greeted her. She couldn't remember the last time she had been startled so badly.

"Get the fuck out, Granger! How dare you come here to perv on me?" the same voice barked at her. With her heart still beating against her chest like a disco drum, Hermione took in the sight in front of her conciously: Draco Malfoy as starkers as on the day he was born_. Well, not born exactly._

Hermione's eyes widened comically before she then realized what she was doing.

"Shit, I'm sorry!" she yelped, quickly covering her eyes and stumbling backwards against the wall. This was bad! How could she have forgotten that she was no longer allowed to enter here?

"Out!"

"I didn't see anything, Malfoy! … Actually that's a lie. I saw everything, but am going to pretend that I didn't-" she tried to apologise, but Draco just kept screaming at her and accusing her of things.

"OUT!"

This time Hermione didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

They were working together on prefect/head duties in their common room, when Draco started nagging everyone again. He kept on complaining about why he had to help since he wasn't supposed to have prefect duties today. To emphasise this 'injustice', he then went on to point out that Ron, who was present in the common room and hung out with Harry, didn't have to help.

"Because you've been skipping your duties a lot lately. I may not be a girl, but even I know that you only get your periods once a month and that for about a week. So your bloody excuse - pun intended here - isn't going to fly anymore. I know you can't have period cramps over the span of three weeks," Zacharias Smith explained slowly, casting an annoyed look at Draco.

"However if you really have problems… with your… you know," Zacharias unnecessarily added as an afterthought, "You might want to consult Madam Pomfrey."

Draco's reply was to raise his hand and give Smith the finger-salute. He then went back to his task without saying another word. That is, until he found another thing he could complain about - namely Astoria Greengrass, who had volunteered to help them with their work (no doubt, so she could spend more time with Hermione).

"Astoria, how about you go and play with your dolls and stop annoying the adults," Draco huffed, making a shooing gesture with his hands at said girl. But being a Slytherin herself, Astoria wasn't having any of Draco's patronizing behaviour.

"_You _are calling yourself an adult? Someone acting as immature as you? You're far from adult as anyone can be! Also, a little piece of advice: You might want to cut down stuffing your bra because it just makes you look plain ridiculous!" Astoria sneered. Draco stared disbelievingly at her.

"Stuffing my bra?"

"Don't even bother denying it. Everyone can see that they're not real," Astoria accused, pointing Malfoy's bust. She then sat straighter, pushing her chest forward as if to say: 'This is the real thing, bitch.'

Draco's eyes narrowed for a split second before he crossed his arms under his own chest to boost it whilst throwing a condescending look her way.

"Oh, is that so? Well, I'll have you know that Granger here can confirm that they're very real. Right, Granger?" he said casually whilst nudging her in the rips suggestively.

Everyone's eyes grew as wide as saucers at Draco's comment and their gazes flickered back and forth between the Head girl and the Slytherin prefect. Hermione just wanted the ground to swallow her up already.

"Malfoy, don't say it like that! People might get the wrong idea!" she scolded, hoping that the others wouldn't believe anything Draco was spouting.

"What wrong idea?" Malfoy asked innocently, pretending not to understand. "What's there to misunderstand?"

"I accidentally walked-"

"Pish-posh, Granger. No explanation needed. We don't have to justify ourselves to _anyone_," Draco cut her off and cast a smug look at Astoria when stressing the word 'anyone'. This was the straw that broke the camel's back for the 5th year Slytherin.

Everyone was startled by the sudden war cry that came from Astoria as she tried to lunge herself at Draco. Had it not been for Harry's quick Seeker reflexes and him dragging the enraged girl out of the room, this whole encounter would have ended badly.

* * *

Hermione stared down furiously at her classmate when she had managed to corner him later.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Malfoy? Did your parents drop you on your head as a baby or what made you such a dysfunctional individual?"

"Calm down, Granger. It was just a joke."

"A joke? I don't see anyone laughing!"

"Granger, you've got to admit that that chit was annoying! I thought my head was going to fucking explode with all the prattling she did. Does that girl ever shut up?"

"Do you ever shut up?"

"She insulted me."

"You insulted her first. Astoria is a perfectly nice girl and you were just being rude."

"Oh yes, of course you'd think that, Granger. I thought I was going to hurl any moment from her little pathetic attempts to flirt with you."

"What are you talking about? Astoria did not flirt with me." At least that was what she hoped, although signs pointed to a different story. At one point she had even changed seats, because the body contact had been a little too much for her.

"No, you're absolutely right. Her behaviour didn't qualify as flirting - it was a right up mating dance! But judging by your defensive reaction, you seem to have enjoyed the attention little Miss Tartoria Greengrass was giving you. I never knew you swung that way, Granger," Draco drawled.

"I don't!" Hermione immediately protested. She thought that Astoria was nice, but she in no way was interested in her like that. She wasn't interested in _any female_ like that.

"Well, then what is your problem? You ought to be thankful that I got the tartelette off your back. Yet here you are, yelling at me."

"Malfoy, this isn't about that. This is about your inability to act like a decent human being!"

"_You_ perv on me and accuse _me_ of being an indecent human being?"

"For God's sakes, Malfoy. I already explained to you that it was an accident! I used to be a girl too, you know? Old habits die hard and in that moment I just forgot! Why do you insist on making a big deal out of this? I already apologized countless times. What else do you want me to do? Are you demanding of me to make an honest woman of you now? I really don't want to step on Goyle's toes." Hermione joked, but Malfoy didn't see the humour in her comment. His only answer was to punch her left arm hard.

"_Ow_!" Hermione cried in pain whilst squishing her attacker into a corner as defence mechanism, so he couldn't hit her again.

"Granger, you wish you could ever land someone like me. But let me tell you that that is never ever going to happen! I'd rather snog a giant slug!"

"Or Goyle. Just imagine how your little Goyle-foys would look like!" Hermione guffawed as she tried to picture sneering, pale-arse baby trolls. Not a pretty picture.

_*Smack, smack, smack_.* Gods, what was it with Malfoy and not being able to take a joke? That hurt!

Being a man sure had its perks. You were taller and stronger, but goddamn it! For some reason people suddenly believed that they could be rough with you. Even Harry and Ron were giving her claps on the back which was something they had never done in the past.

"Fucking cut it out with the Goyle jokes already!" Draco bit out in between his smacks. Since it didn't seem very likely that he'd calm down and stop on his own any time soon (to be fair, Hermione had been asking for it by the way she kept on provoking him), Hermione decided to squish him against the wall a little more to restrict his mobility.

"Get off of me!" Draco immediately cried as he tried to push Hermione away, but Hermione only shifted her weight onto Draco.

"Oh, I think I'm good here. Very cosy," the Head girl said back sweetly before leering down at him. An expression of panic immediately flit over Draco's face and he started wiggling harder to free himself.

"What's wrong, Malfoy? Earlier you sure seemed very comfortable and were seeking my presence. Suggesting _things _even," Hermione taunted.

"We both know why I did it. So now back off of me!" he hissed, his panic forgotten. (That or he finally realized that she wasn't a rapist who wanted to have her wicked way with him.)

"Hm, I don't think so," Hermione replied in a sing-song voice and this time squished him flat against the wall, making him squeak in process. His squeak sounded so funny that Hermione decided she needed to hear it one more time.

"_Stop it! I can't fucking breathe!_ And why'd you care anyway? It's just the annoying little Greengrass tartelette that I provoked. Who cares?"

"I care when people spread false rumours that involve me. Especially when they also involve _you_."

"Now Granger, no need to sound so condescending."

"I'll be as condescending as I want, Malfoy. My reputation is at risk here."

"Your reputation at risk? Hah! What about my reputation that you stomped on when you called me a whore?!"

"About that… I realize I overstepped a line there-"

"Overstepped a line? Are you fucking kidding me? You completely humiliated me in public! And that is why I'm making you pay! You will grin and bear it," Draco ordered before he pushed her harshly, making her stumble back a few steps. Then, in very Malfoy-esque fashion, he stalked off with his nose high up in the air.

Hermione groaned. This situation between them was supposed better and not worse. Now she had really done it. Apparently Malfoy had decided to use her as his little pawn in his beef with Astoria Greengrass.

* * *

Harry dragged a heavily breathing Astoria Greengrass down the corridor to the courtyard.

"How about we sit down on this bench right here, so you can calm down a bit," Harry suggested to the girl who was clutching his arm tightly. When she gave him a weak nod, Harry guided her to the bench. It wasn't until five minutes had passed in silence that Astoria finally decided to say something.

"Do you think he's telling the truth? That something is going on between them?" she asked in a desperate voice, willing Harry to tell her what she wanted to hear.

"What? No, of course not! Hermione would never start something with someone like Malfoy," he quickly assured her, not wanting her to revert back to her panic mode and start hyperventilating again. Her erratic breathing had worried him since he hardly had any knowledge about administering first aid should she start fainting on him.

"But you heard what Draco said! They saw each other naked! Why else would they've seen each other naked if they're not involved with each other?"

"I don't know, but Hermione scolded him for implying things. Didn't she say something about accidentally walking in on him or something?"

"I… I just don't understand what Hermione sees in Draco. What's there to like about Draco? There's nothing likeable!"

"You do realize that Hermione isn't really a boy right? She may look like one, but she's actually a girl," Harry asked slowly. Astoria looked him blankly.

"That's where I have to disagree, Potter."

"Disagree?" Harry repeated incredulously.

"Yes, disagree."

Harry shook his head in disbelief. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"Astoria, I know you like Hermione, but Hermione isn't going to always stay like this. She's going to turn back into a girl once a cure is found. You need to keep that in mind. Even though she has the looks and some new characterics of a boy, she's essentially a girl. A girl who is not romantically interested in other girls."

"Well, that's a point I strongly have to disagree with you again. I have reasonable suspicions that Hermione is actually turning into a real boy."

"A real boy? My, my, Pinocchio would be so jealous!" Harry deadpanned, but being a Pureblood and unfamiliar with muggle literature, Astoria just looked at him in plain confusion.

"What?"

Harry sighed. "Never mind. Back to our topic… You can't actually be serious."

"I am serious. Don't tell me that you honestly think that Hermione is still the same person. He's not."

"_She _is."

"You're in denial."

"_I'm_ in denial? I think you're pointing the finger at the wrong person there. If there's anyone here who is in denial, it's you. How is it that you refer to Draco as _he_ \- his real gender - but with Hermione you're so blind?"

"Like I've already said, I have my reasonable suspicions that _he_ reciprocates my feelings on some level."

"Humour me then."

"Well, let's just say that I've tested Hermione's physical reaction towards me on a few occasions. And I'm pleased to say that I certainly got some very... encouraging results," Astoria explained with a sly grin that served to let her Slytherin colours shine through. Harry laughed humourlessly.

"Yes, I've noticed your attempts to literally wiggle your way into Hermione's... heart. But let me tell you that you'll pretty much get that reaction from any guy when draped over them and wiggling around their crotch area," Harry replied crudely, referring to her little stunt in Hogsmeade and the way she had constantly found a reason to stand in front of Hermione and "accidentally" brushing against the Head girl's front today. This girl surely was anything but shy and boldly operated in order to get what she wanted.

"Hah! You said 'guy' see?! I was totally right to call Hermione that! But seriously, why are you being so uncooperative about this? Surely, I'm much more agreeable as partner for your best friend than Draco," Astoria huffed. His attitude was starting to annoy the hell out of her.

"Still doesn't mean that I'm going to butt into Hermione's love life. It's none of my business."

"But Harry, I mean, we are sort of friends, right?" Astoria asked carefully. Harry's reaction to her question was to raise a brow questioningly at her as if to ask: "Are we?"

"Yes, and friends help each other out!"

"Kid, I hardly know you."

"Don't call me that. I'm _not_ a kid."

"Fifteen is plenty kid to me. Which brings me to another issue: the three years age difference. You want Hermione to go jail or something?"

"I'll have you know that I'm in fact sixteen as I was born in September - just like Hermione. So this is perfectly legal."

"I'm still not helping you, so give it up already."

"For pity's sake, what kind of Gryffindor are you? You're supposed to be kind and helpful!"

"I believe you confuse us with the Hufflepuffs - they're the nice ones," Harry answered casually, but Astoria had already shot up from her seat and stormed off in frustration.

_Girls and their drama._


End file.
